So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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