I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
