8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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