Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
