I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
