I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
