Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
