He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
