For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
