All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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