You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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