the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
