I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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