you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
