Cold hands, warm shart.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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