I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
