Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
