Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
