May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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