Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
