I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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