I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
