I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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