is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
