Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
