If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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