Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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