i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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