Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
