I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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