did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
