He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
