So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
