I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
