Heybabeimwearingurpanties
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
