Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize