you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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