She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
