Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
