everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
