First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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