Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
