I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
