There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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