This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
