I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize