what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
