my mouth tastes like poor choices
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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