i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
