You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
