KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
