Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
