when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
