please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
