Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize