He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
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Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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