You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
