Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Drunk is not a location!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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