About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
