the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
