A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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