when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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