Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize