Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
