I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
