I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
